freakout

[sadie_cocopuff]

one of these days, i will post when i'm not stressed. oh wait, first i would have to not be stressed. nevermind.

anyway, i am really starting to question this whole study abroad thing. i have to do it for french, no question about it, and everybody says a year is better, and yes i definitely want to go to poitiers because it's smaller than paris and you can't do math in bordeaux and and and...it's all going to work out, probably, if the math department will give me credit (meaning i have to actually go TALK to the study abroad office and get syllabi and such). but i've been reading all the student evals from poitiers, and living in france sounds scary as hell. college was a big adjustment, and while i've been here there has never been a point when someone wasn't taking care of me. the resounding theme of study abroad is "independence! self-discovery!" i LIKE being taken care of. i don't want it to be hard to make friends, or confusing to register for classes or find housing, or difficult to talk to professors. i want to be on the same continent as my mom so i know in a real emergency it will only take a few hours to get home. i don't want to deal with unfriendly french students, or uncommunicative host families, or crazy-strict dorms run by catholic nuns. i REALLY don't want to get hit on by sketchy french guys in bars (how do you live in france and not drink? it may not be illegal or stigmatized there, but i still don't want to). i'm feeling iffy about walking around a city by myself. my math classes are going to be in a totally different place from my other classes, which means being at the mercy of bus schedules and not being able to run out the door five minutes before class. a 3-hour lecture in which you have to write down everything the professor says sounds downright scary. i've never written a paper longer than 7 pages. i'm used to my opinion being valued and sought. mostly i'm afraid of being the young, naive american girl and either being completely antisocial or attempting to be social and getting myself into some situation i really don't want to be in. what happened to france being so romantic and all that? oh yeah, that's paris. and i hate huge cities. this may be too much of a stretch for me. i'm not actually an independent person. you don't want to know how many times a day i talk to my mom. i don't make friends easily. i don't "loosen up" well. is there even a protestant church in poitiers? (indeed, there is.) where am i going to find friends who will go on picnics and drink sparkling cider with me, and avoid bars full of sketchy guys? what if i get horribly bored with my classes? what if i stick out as a stupid american? problem is, i value feeling safe and comfortable REALLY highly. i should have just been amish.

Comments

[kosherchick.livejournal.com]

I'm glad that someone actually reads the evaluations...and that the students who went were honest. The thing is.... study abroad really is full of all those scary independent-like situations. When I was abroad, I spent a lot of time alone. I had a lot sketchy encounters. I had to do a lot of stuff on my own...and I had to figure out "how things work" in another country, in another culture, in another language. It's...very scary.
On the other hand, I have good memories from the experience. I traveled a lot. I *did* in fact figure out how things worked. No, I didn't like most of my classes -- but I had a few good ones, ones of the sort that Midd doesn't offer. I did have friends over there, I did hang out with other people. I...experienced alcohol over there, which I didn't (and still don't) do here. [And, actually, you might be surprised, but drinking is much less of big deal over there than it is at any given American college/university. It's not taboo, there's not the peer pressure that there is here.] My understanding of the US increased, and....I returned a lot more patriotic. I had to learn how to defend America - and to defend myself as an America. (Europe is romanticized by us... It takes living over there to realize that, on many accounts, things in US are often better.) ...I learned a lot about myself and my relationships to other people.

My conclusion: study abroad is worth it. It's a lot of paperwork and a hassel worrying about getting everything approved/accepted/transferred by your department(s), but...it's an opportunity that doesn't come around everyday. Before just saying no because you're scared (believe me, *everyone* is scared -- some people just don't realize it until they're actually on the plane going to their site of choice), consider the advantages and disadvantages. And...as for being dependent, you might look into Skype -- it's an easy way to stay in touch with people back home when you're abroad.

[malagemina.livejournal.com]

oh man, you haven't told me this, i guess i should check internet more often, this is crazy hallie, when are you going to do it? you're incredible by the way, you'll be able to handle it. i'll buy you some MACE before you go to take care of those skeezy guys. i love you hallie. it'll be fun.