wistful thinking

[sadie_cocopuff]

this morning i wore my french sweater dress and boots, and wished i were clicking down the cobbled streets of poitiers and drinking café au lait from cute little cups instead of coming home from church to put on pajamas and commence the usual sunday marathon of grading and lesson planning. i like teaching, but i dislike not having enough energy for the adult life i could be having right now. bryan is a reasonably interesting city with a fair number of cool things going on, and i'm always too tired and/or sick to take advantage of them. i make it through the week so i can sleep 10 hours a night on the weekend. 

case in point: i planned to go hang around first friday (in the aforementioned sweater dress and boots, like a classy adult instead of an exhausted teacher) while my brother went to a school party and my parents celebrated their anniversary. but by 7 p.m. i looked (and felt) so deathly my mom sent me home out of fear i wouldn't be able to drive safely much longer. i was asleep by 9. where is the life i was looking forward to having? it was much the same way at midd -- too many things to do, not enough energy to keep up. for heaven's sake, tell me it gets better. 

post 20+ hours of sleep, i'm awake enough to contemplate my work without feeling like curling up and dying, but the tired-by-tuesday, sick-by-wednesday, well-by-sunday, wash/rinse/repeat schedule is getting to me. christmas will be wonderful but too short, what with grading exams and putting together spring syllabi and planning for the first week back. oh, and creating a curriculum for my elective, which is happening. i am pleased about this, but daunted by the amount of extra work it will require.

in sum: tiredtiredtiredSOtired. help?

Comments

[null-thread.livejournal.com]

There's many things I haven't done here either due to the same things. Force yourself to do them, and use Sunday as rest day.

Grading sucks. Work hard, play hard makes sense-- need to offset that work hard. Good luck!

[sadie_cocopuff]

it's a good theory, but work hard play hard always translates into even MORE sick -- tried it a few times this semester already. also, if i play on saturday and rest on sunday, there is no day to grade and plan (it takes a full day). basically, i need a 3-day weekend every week.

[null-thread.livejournal.com]

Sorry, yes, of course that means more sick! But at least do it once a month! You can has a 3 day weekend if you sleep really little :)

[stillinmidd.blogspot.com (from livejournal.com)]

I don't know if this will help in your situation, but I have found that when I set out to do something that many people swear is stressful and awful, if I just decide that I'm not going to go crazy doing it, I usually don't. (but still manage to do a fine job of whatever was in question) I know that "stressing out about things" and "things taking a long time" are two separate issues, but can you decide that you are going to take things at a reasonable pace, and maybe find a little more time for yourself in the process of being successful at not spending all of your time on work? I know that when there is a stack of things to be done it might seem impossible, but I am sure there is a way (unless, truly, everyday you must work for every minute or everything will not get done, in which case some major reevaluation might be necessary!).

I'm not sure how well I explained that, and again, it may not quite fit with your issue, but I've found that it has really helped me when I'm doing things that people swear should be stressful and time consuming. I'm just like "I'm not going to let it be that way, or at least not as awful as you make it out to be", and it's usually okay.

If that doesn't work, though, I am sure you are the sort of person that puts a lot of time and effort into your work (even if, to you, it seems like you are cutting corners everywhere). While I am sure that your students very much benefit from it, is there a way to balance the amount of time that you put into your work with the need to stay sane and healthy yourself. Yes, you want to do your best teaching, especially when many teachers don't, but if kill yourself trying to do it it will be hard to teach. Some sanity for yourself, perhaps at the cost of a little bit of work, might be worthwhile?

Either way, good luck! You are doing impressively hard things and making your friends proud.

- Alison

[crypticdreams.livejournal.com]

Seconding the last bit of Alison's comment!!! We <3 you and are proud of you, Hallie, and I hope you're able to figure out a way to stay sane and healthy! I wish I could help... :(